cold coffee – Valerie King

Jun 14, 2012

7 Reasons Why I’m Voting Starbucks For President This Year

Let me make myself clear upfront…I’m not a political person. I’m not attacking anyone, judging anyone, I’m just looking for a little light humor and happiness in this crazy world. Sanity runs thin over here. I am blessed beyond belief, but I do think change is desperately needed in this great country of ours. I do think most of you will agree with me on that. (gulp) At least I hope so!

I am a Starbucks junkie. Grande Soy Chai Tea Latte gal right here.

So, why am I voting for Starbucks for President this year?

The fluctuating gas prices. Starbucks has increased their prices as well, but we still go. Yeah, I’m talking to you! You’re searching for pennies under your couch cushions or walking the beach with your snazzy metal detector, all to pay for that luscious cup of heaven. Perhaps if raising the price of gas because, well…Bob over at the government offices said too because the aliens on Planet Zargon sent him a memo, was reasoned with “Buy a gallon of gas get a free Grande Peppermint Mocha, No Whip, Extra Hot” at every gas station across America, we might have less of an issue. Heck, I’d go get gas everyday for that!
Ethical. For 6 years Starbucks has received the WME Award (World’s Most Ethical Companies) for living up to ethical business standards and practices internally today. That’s a fun word to say…Ethical…Say it with me, E-T-H-I-C-A-L. Is it ethical to brush the cat when he destroyed my red silk drapes yesterday? How about, is it ethical to wear a bikini top to Walmart with back boobs and bike shorts?
They offer great health insurance. Can we all sign up for Starbuck’s health insurance policy? They should have a “Devoted Customer’s Awesome Insurance Plan Because You Rock And We Care”. Healthcare crisis? Hello! Knock, knock…you there government?! Let Starbucks handle it. You know, with a “Buy a policy get a free latte machine” and stuff. Incentive people, incentive…make me REALLY want that $6,254 health insurance premium each month.
Their employees dress cool. What is it with Starbuck’s people? They’re like poets with great fashion sense. Edgar Allen Poe with an Espresso high. Dude, you can totally rock that blue streaked blonde hair with your lip ring. I feel dumb in my Banana Republic tank and khaki shorts. You’re so hip and cool!! Ya gotta drink for that?! Seriously, do ya?
Starbucks has reward cards. Hey super awesome IRS peeps, you know I paid my taxes WAY early this year. But you held my refund for two months. And when I called to ask what the problem was, your response was “Huh.” Cool and stuff, but we kinda sorta needed that refund to pay for Little A’s tonsillectomy that insurance didn’t cover (please see #3 above). Oh, and when we FINALLY got the refund, we got a whole $2 extra! You held my refund for an extra two dollars? Way to be efficient. I bet if I asked you to make me a Venti Dirty Chai Tea Latte Extra Hot you’d say, “Huh.” I’m not bitter or anything though…
Starbucks has a COOL website. Have you been to our government websites? Especially the IRS website. It’s like hunting for Waldo. Impossible to find what you’re looking for. You should have never let Mrs. Gardner’s Kindergarten class design your websites. That was sweet and all, but sometimes coloring a picture of cows is JUST a better option. Ask Bob over at your government offices again. Maybe he knows of someone on Planet Zargon that does web design…
Free music?! Yes please! Maybe if you included some free music downloads on our property tax statements or jury summons we might be more inclined to pay attention. No Justin Bieber…something cool. Like Vampire Weekend or Ellie Goulding.

I need a latte after writing this….Vote Coffee this year!

Coffee or bust~

VSK

P.S. I have no association with Starbucks, they didn’t pay me to write this or give me free stuff to do it either. I thought all this up in the shower this morning. These are my opinions, and the opinions of my Miniature Schnauzer, Lexi. Thanks for listening…over and out!

Filed Under: Random Thoughts From An Avid Author · Tagged: about me, be you, chai tea, cold coffee, followers, friends, greatness, humor, inspiration, Life, president, starbucks, world of an author, writing

Mar 30, 2012

Pain Killers, Refried Beans, Birthdays and Spongebob Squarepants

By Valerie King Books · 1 Comment

Remember my post from last week? This mother hen was completely stressed over her youngest son’s need for surgery. My Little King was scheduled for a tonsillectomy and to have his adenoids removed at 6am this morning.

At 4:45am, I awoke…groggy, hungry and looking like a mangled mess of poo. After throwing on a pair of yoga pants, my glasses and a tee, I glanced in the mirror and still looked like poo minus the mangled mess.

We arrived at the surgery center at 6:00am, and we were immediately taken back. He was given a cool, monkey hospital gown and the two of us decided to sport matching bracelets. Because, well…we’re awesome like that!

Silly medicine was given to Little King, but instead of being silly he just shut his eyes and decided to take a nap. I was hoping for some jokes and drunken laughter, but not this time. He was whisked off to surgery minutes later. I myself, left the pre-op room with Big D, crocodile tears sliding down my cheeks.

Forty-five minutes later, Little King was out of surgery. The doctor told us, “You both made the right choice. His tonsils were some of the worst I’ve seen in a very long time.” He then went on to explain the seeping green puss coming from Little King’s tonsils once they were removed. I won’t go into grave detail here like the doc did with us. I will allow you to keep the lunch you had two hours ago in your tummies. I do believe I threw up in my mouth a little bit upon his vivid description.

This reminds me of one of my favorite movie scenes ever…take a peek here!

From the time we arrived at the hospital to the time we arrived home…3 hours. Lightening speed tonsillectomy.

Since arriving home I was expecting small sips of water and some Popsicles today ONLY. Nope. I was wrong.

Since arriving home nearly 6 hours of go, Little King has had the following…

No, I’m not kidding. I’m still shaking my head at how well he has done! I’m sure the small, frequent doses of hydrocodone is playing a factor here, but…does this kid look like he had surgery this morning?!

Today it’s a Spongebob Squarepants marathon in the living room! Tomorrow it’s Little King’s 8th birthday. A birthday I feel like we ALL will remember.

Happy early birthday to my little guy! And happy weekend to all of you.

Hydrocodone and Popsicle Hugs ~

VSK

Filed Under: Random Thoughts From An Avid Author · Tagged: about me, be you, cold coffee, humor, kids, menial tasks, spongebob, tonsillectomy, world of an author, writing

Mar 20, 2012

Rejection, Tonsillectomy and Novellas

By Valerie King Books · 10 Comments

I struggled with whether or not I should write this post. But then I thought, “Put yourself out there and quit sitting in the corner sulking. What are ya, a baby?!” That depends…the past few days have been full of uncertainty, big decisions and little luck finding a Leprechaun at the end of a rainbow with a pot of gold. Okay…maybe not the latter.

My youngest little man has been suffering with constant sore throats and strep over the past 6-12 months. About every 4-6 weeks, those darn tonsils start giving us trouble.

Science lesson 101: Where are your tonsils and WHY do we have them.

Tonsils are the two bumps or rounds of tissue located in the back of the throat, and are made up of what is called lymphoid tissue. Lymphoid tissue produces lymphocytes — white blood cells that help fight infections. Traditionally, doctors would consider the production of lymphocytes a good thing, since it would seem to help people fight off illness with greater ease. But, many people suffer with constant bacterial infections and snoring at night, benefit from having them removed.

This is the boat we now sit in. We are “rowing” towards March 30th when these little mounds of infectious tissue are removed from my son’s throat. As a mother hen, I am a bit nervous about putting him under and having the doctor messin’ around in his mouth with a bunch of sharp knives, but the constant rounds of antibiotics and sick days on the couch need to come to an end. I am convincing myself of this through tears of uncertainty. Mr.Tissue and I have been friends for the past few days….

I really didn’t tell anyone except for a few family members…but I submitted my manuscript, The Gift of Fate, to a publisher a few weeks back. Even though I self-published, I wanted to see if there was any interest there. Well, there was…at first.

As an author, it is VERY difficult not to get your hopes up, especially when your story is acknowledged and there is a positive feeling that perhaps…this is the one. As many of you authors know, rejection is part of the game, but acknowledgement doesn’t happen often either. Most of the time your emails get sent out into some black hole that I KNOW resides above Barnes & Noble’s headquarters in New York. A swirling dark cloud of hopefulness from a world full of writers trying to follow their dreams.

Nope. A total let-down. I cried through a half bag of chocolate chips, a Dr.Pepper and threw a temper tantrum on the floor as my dog watched from afar, rolling her eyes at me yesterday.

It made me sad, it made me mad…it made me wish I had, a box of ziploc bags made by Glad.

I will NOT give up on writing though. I am passionate about it. I think I have a great story to tell, and I have a million more waiting to be written down. This is where the idea of novellas came in…

Short stories to a totally awesome series, now there’s a thought, Val! After eating that bag of chocolate chips, I wrote down an idea for a novella…a slew of novellas actually, telling a sweet little tale about something totally unique and undeniably different than anything out there.

I am nearly complete with the 2nd book in the Fatum Saga already. Perhaps starting a new novella series on the side would be beneficial in polishing my writing skills as well.

At this point in time, I don’t need a publisher. I need to simply write and share what my heart feels. I’m going to STOP doing this…