Money Counters and Morons With Blue Hair

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The holidays are such a glorious season of wonder, aren’t they? They are also the time of year where your patience is tested, and crazy people seem to seep into the “10 items or less” grocery store line in front of you with 35 items. I am a tolerable and very patient person, but sometimes I just want to stroke a person’s hand and say…

Oh Sweetie…do you ever think your thoughts through before opening your mouth, because you should’ve just stayed home today…in a beanbag chair eating chili cheese Fritos with Lil’ Muscle your toy Poodle.

So Christmas was EPIC…glad it’s over. New Year’s Eve…full of excitement!

My handsome hubby and I were kid-free on New Year’s (silent fist pump), so we decided to roam the aisles of Target before dinner. When you roam the aisles with kids, it isn’t “roaming”. It’s more like chasing rats.

Don’t touch that! – No, I’m not buying you ANYTHING. We came here for shampoo, not Pokemon cards. – Your legs are not broken…keep walking or I’ll give you a reason to run. – Watch where you’re walking! There are other people in this store, ya know. Spinning down the aisle usually results in getting run over. Now you know…

So hot hubby and I roamed the aisles. Like, took our time and looked at things. If you are a parent, you understand…

Standing in the checkout line, there was a guy in front of us wearing a Cookie Monster tee that said “Eat Me”. First clue, this was not going to go well…

He had Red Bull and batteries…not going there…

As he checks out, he asks the cashier and I the following, jaw dropping question:

Where can I buy temporary blue hair color? I want to dye my hair before I party tonight.

Oh really? In the words of my husband AFTER I KINDLY directed him to Sally’s Beauty Supply down the street…

I hope he’s not planning on trying to pick up a chick tonight. The only “chick” he’s going to see is a bucket of KFC at 1 in the morning after he leaves the bar ALONE.

Now if he would’ve looked like this, perhaps he MIGHT have had a chance at an incredible New Year’s Eve.

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Fast forward to today…

My children saved their hard earned $$$ for a MacBook. Low and behold, two of my three saved up half for a brand spankin’ new one. If you know MacBooks, you know they aren’t cheap. We agreed to make up the difference, and buy them a MacBook for Christmas. Hubby and I are so proud of them for working so hard the past nine months!

Anyhow, the cash they have were in bills and about a million and one quarters. So, off to the bank we went this morning to deposit their half of the money. We stand in line, wait a while, and then finally make our way to the teller.

Me: “I need to deposit this cash into our checking account, please.”

Teller: “Oh, we don’t accept loose change.”

Me: “But, this is money…and we are at a bank, right?”

Teller: Laughing while probably thinking dirty thoughts about me, “Well yes, but we don’t have a change machine counter here. I can either give you paper sleeves to go home and roll your coins, or we can send your change off to a company to count it for you at no cost.”

Me: Giggling, “You serious? Can you at least deposit the bills or do you not have a bill counter either?”

Teller: “No, we don’t have a bill counter either, but I can hand count them for you Mrs. King, that’s not a problem.”

OMGosh, are you kidding me? Even Kroger has a change machine! Good gravy, what’s next? Is the bank going to tell me that if I want to get money out of the ATM I have to talk to the ATM elf first? I bet elves are secretly working in the back of the bank counting loose change.

Hey Jingle the Elf, you’ve got 364 days until Christmas, so hop to the money counting dude! Santa’s not expecting you back at the North Pole for a while. Right now, you’re my money mogul…start shuffling bills.

Elf

I bet the guy with blue hair works at the bank. He probably oversees the elves in the back…

Welcome to 2013!

VSK

P.S. I don’t make resolutions, I make goals. This year, I will find a publisher. Mark my words, supportive, awesome peeps! I love all of you! I write because you encourage me to, and that is more than I could ever ask for.

Five Days (So Far) In NYC…And A Million Memories

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I was planning on writing a blog post at least every other day….uh yeah, that hasn’t happened. We have been so busy catching mice in the apartment I haven’t had time to write. Yes, I said mice. We are up to 9 mice, thank you very much.

The hairdryer supplied by the apartment owner also caught fire yesterday as my husband dried his hair…sparks flying, smoke pluming…I think the darn mice had been chewing the electric cord…

Yes, before you ask, my father will be asking for some of his money back after this…EXPERIENCE. I will be writing a stellar review for this place once we arrive home on Friday. I say this while crossing all my fingers and toes by the way.

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Despite the madness we’ve experienced here, and the fact that we caught a cab that was meant for four riders only, and there are seven us…which we were told by the cab driver, “If a NYPD cop passes by, please just have your children that are sitting in your laps, duck.”, it has been an AMAZING trip!

We took a very expensive, but well worth it, carriage ride through Central Park today. The weather was perfect, and our carriage tour guide was from Dublin, Ireland. He pointed out Beyonce’s apartment, Tony Bennett’s, Steve Spielberg’s, and countless others. He also pointed out the Plaza Hotel and the $8,500 to $14,000 PER NIGHT hotel rooms there. Well, that’s sweet and all, but I think I’d rather eat this year then spend one night in a hotel room. Good gravy, who spends that much money on a hotel room for one freakin’ night?! Oh wait, that would be Lindsey Lohan. I guess she chose to do that then pay her taxes last year. Moving on…

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We feel pretty lucky to have taken our Christmas card photo in Central Park today. We did this right after we saw a guy get down on one knee to propose to his girlfriend. Incredibly sweet, and of course she said YES! Her ring was beautiful…so was he. Hello Tom Cruise look alike minus the weirdness!

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Times Square…there is nothing quite like it. People watching is epic here! Yes, I saw the Naked Cowboy. He was naked with a pair of whitey tighties, a pair of boots, a guitar and hat…that’s it. I didn’t take a picture with him. He had a tendency to pinch ladies in their rears or kiss them. My husband would have punched him…and I would have let him. I’ll keep the Naked Cowboy I’ve been married to for almost 14 years instead. I don’t need to be groped by a stranger. Homey don’t play that…

A few things I’ve seen in the last 5 days that I’ve been here:

1) A man dressed in a Santa Claus suit on the Subway with a hook for a hand.

2) More dogs dressed in sweaters, rain boots, Burberry coats then I ever thought was remotely possible. People LOVE their dogs here. Too much. To the point of mental disturbance. Every food venue has a menu for your dog. I would never buy my dog a veal burger with vanilla custard, but everyone here seems to think it’s important to feed Fifi a burger instead of Purina. OMGosh…

3) Every New Yorker wears ear phones on the street. If you don’t have a pair of Dr. Dre’s Beats Audio headphones, then you’re a loser who doesn’t belong here. I fit into the loser category here. No, I don’t have a problem with that, thanks though.

4) Had a waiter tonight who was an extra in the movie “Friends With Benefits” with Justin Timberlake. He was uber-nice, and loves YA fiction books. We are now best friends.

5) A homeless man was selling Capri Sun’s on the subway today. For $5 a piece. A woman bought one for her screaming toddler. I have no idea where I was going with this…

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Isn’t this picture AMAZING?! We took a boat tour of the city yesterday. Beautiful weather, stunning skyline. What a memory…

We also visited the 9/11 Memorial yesterday. I have a wonderful friend who lost her father on Flight 77 on September 11th. I was able to take some photos and offer a quiet remembrance to not only her father, but also to every victim and their families that lost their lives that fateful day. It was bittersweet to stand where so many fell and honor them. There were not many dry eyes around…mine included.

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I have so many other things to post about, but I’m exhausted. Remember, I’ve been chasing mice and going to bed super late because we’ve been sharing some lovely family time in the evenings over a bottle of wine. It is times like these that I give thanks for such a beautiful family and the blessings we share. The good times and the bad times we’ve had since being here has been amazing…and I wouldn’t trade a single one for the world.

By the way, we just caught our 10th mouse. I named him Mickey….

I Love NY~

VSK

Pottery Barn Fall Catalog 2012…Cue the Holiday Music and Make-Believe Elves

 

I know. I’m late with this installment. Welcome to my life. I’ve had this post envisioned for over a week now.

So, FINALLY here I sit, in my yoga pants, no make-up and Pandora rocking the confines of my office as I hum along to Mr. Mister. <— Remember…I’m an 80′s girl fanatic!

The unrealistic photography of Pottery Barn continues to boggle this Texas girl’s mind. Let’s look over page 20, class. I’ll wait while you get your catalog. {drumming fingers on the desk}

1) I’m not sure why they chose Snow White’s house to use as their backdrop. 99.9% of us don’t live in house like this. If I did, I’d never leave…because it looks AWESOME…and expensive. I bet one of the Kardashian’s lives here…or Mick Jagger.

2) The pinecone wreath on the door is fabulous, despite the $99 price tag. I’ll just walk over to my neighbors house, steal their pinecones out of their yard, and make the same wreath. Minus the ugly gold deer antlers glued to said pinecones. What do antlers and pinecones have to do with one another? I wonder if a vegetarian would hang this wreath on their door…..

3) The lanterns on the steps are interesting. Especially since they are lit with tea light candles during the middle of the day. I want to know what housewife would go out every morning and light these suckers! Oh, and the lanterns are $69 for the medium size and $129 for the large. According to this photo, said housewife spent $852 on lanterns for her PORCH. I’m guessing she’s single. If I spent this much on lanterns, my husband would kill me. I would do the same to him if he bought a “make your own beer” kit at Home Depot…

4) A sleigh with perfectly wrapped brown paper and twine presents sitting on the sidewalk. UPS missed leaving these parcels on the porch. He must of been afraid of breaking the $852 lanterns left carelessly on the steps. {rolling eyes}

5) Two words ~ Fake Snow. Someone got a little crazy with the cotton candy machine on this one…

We will be discussing page 35 next week. OH YES, it is worth discussing. {giggle}

Cheers {and Pottery Barn high-fives} ~

VSK

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