17 Reasons Why I Hate Summer

  1. If squirrels think it’s too hot out, then apparently I’m living in the wrong part of the country.
  2. My children whining…”There’s NOOOOTTTTHHHIIINNNGGG to do!” We have 8 more weeks of this?! Shoot me now…
  3. Pina Coladas and Margaritas don’t taste the same unless you’re on the beach. The taste is imminent when the whining children won’t cease, so you resort to eating a candy bar in the pantry while drinking shots of cooking sherry instead to take the “edge” off.
  4. Swimsuit season…I don’t need to explain, do I???
  5. Your children overly excited about going to one of those stupid indoor jump places, only to arrive to find a room full of mothers with crying children because there is a waiting list. And the place closes in two hours….. <—–happened to me last week
  6. You send your kids outside to ride bikes at 7:15 in the morning before the rooster crows JUST to enjoy being outside before it’s 100 degrees at 9am. They come back in at 7:30 complaining that it’s already too hot for their taste. Welcome to Texas!
  7. Grocery shopping leads to a speeding ticket because you have to get home before the ice cream and popsicles melt in the back of the car. Dumb ice cream.
  8. The electric bill reflects a winning lottery ticket amount! That you have to pay….
  9. The trash in the garage smells like decaying rats. And all you’ve put out there is an empty milk jug and an old box of cereal. Heat cooks things in disgusting ways in a trashcan.
  10. If you turn on the oven anytime after 12pm, you’ll be wringing wet with sweat by the time you sit down to eat with your starving family. Your husband will ask you if menopause has run you over. You politely say “no” as you wipe the sweat from your brow…and vow to “accidentally” run over his golf clubs later that day.
  11. Back of the knee sweat…a disgusting reminder that leather seats suck in the summertime.
  12. Shaving your legs everyday. Annoying, ’cause you sweat in the shower while you’re doing it. It’s a daunting task that usually results in several bloody nicks that make your legs look like you’ve just been bitten by a rabid cat.
  13. Movies. Your children beg you to take them (*see “whining” above) By the time you leave you’ve spent $2,583 on 5 tickets, a large popcorn, 5 small cokes and a bag of gummy worms your eight year old won’t eat because they taste “funny”. How IS a gummy worm supposed to taste?! Like caviar?
  14. Waterparks make my stomach churn. I refuse to go. It’s just a hang-up I have. Seeing thousands of people’s naked feet gives me the heeby-jeebies. I don’t even like my own feet. I certainly don’t want to see yours. Sorry…no offense.
  15. The curse of watermelon gives me sleepless nights. For those of you that are a little slow…the word “water” is in that word. Aw, see! Now you got it. 🙂
  16. You have two choices….tee shirt or tank top. Unlike winter where you have sweater, sweatshirt, long sleeved tee, flannel or cardigan. Many days I prefer nothing more than a bra or a bikini top due to the extreme heat. Without scarring my children for life, I usually opt for the tank. But I pout about it all day.
  17. You have pool work done. It’s hot, so this leads to no shirt and only a skimpy pair of denim cut-offs. No, he doesn’t look like George Clooney. In fact, I’ve closed the blinds to avoid looking at the sweaty, sunburned cookie monster with too much back hair and a bald head.

P.S. This looks extremely sanitary by the way. It’s the same water the squirrel bathed in earlier. Just sayin’….

Summer Lovin’ ~

VSK

Comments

  1. Living in a country where summer only comes in the dictionary, I love the imagery here and would welcome all of the above (laugh). Very humourous.

    • Thank you dear! I would very much like to only hear of summer in the confines of a book. Like today. It’s 100 degrees here in Texas with a heat index of 115. Unbearable. And just plain nasty outside!

  2. As I read this, I found myself very glad that it seldom makes it up to 100 here! (I moved to Japan in summer and that wasn’t bad heatwise, really, but the humdity–OY!)

  3. OMG -snorting coffee out my nose. You are hilarious!!! The reason I hate summer? Teacher hubby is home, making me feel guilty for sitting at the computer “working” when he can’t sit still for five minutes. Like he ever talks to me in the winter…and now, in the middle of a great thought or a lengthy e-mail: Did you see this? or Where’s this go? or —whatever. AT least you can tell the kids to go play.

  4. Very funny article. I could relate to most of it, except the complaining kids. Whenever my daughters complained about nothing to do, I got the scrub bucket out, or the window cleaner, or the …you get the idea. My house was never clean, but my girls didn’t complain much either. Gotta control the summer.

  5. Paul J. Stam says:

    First of all, I want to thank for visiting Paper, Mud and Me. 17 reasons is the first of yours I’ve read and I appreciate your reminding me why I hurried back to Hawaii. i will be following yours. ;~}

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: