Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

7 Reasons Why I’m Voting Starbucks For President This Year

Let me make myself clear upfront…I’m not a political person. I’m not attacking anyone, judging anyone, I’m just looking for a little light humor and happiness in this crazy world. Sanity runs thin over here. I am blessed beyond belief, but I do think change is desperately needed in this great country of ours. I do think most of you will agree with me on that. (gulp) At least I hope so!

I am a Starbucks junkie. Grande Soy Chai Tea Latte gal right here.

So, why am I voting for Starbucks for President this year?

  1. The fluctuating gas prices. Starbucks has increased their prices as well, but we still go. Yeah, I’m talking to you! You’re searching for pennies under your couch cushions or walking the beach with your snazzy metal detector, all to pay for that luscious cup of heaven. Perhaps if raising the price of gas because, well…Bob over at the government offices said too because the aliens on Planet Zargon sent him a memo, was reasoned with “Buy a gallon of gas get a free Grande Peppermint Mocha, No Whip, Extra Hot” at every gas station across America, we might have less of an issue. Heck, I’d go get gas everyday for that!
  2. Ethical. For 6 years Starbucks has received the WME Award (World’s Most Ethical Companies) for living up to ethical business standards and practices internally today. That’s a fun word to say…Ethical…Say it with me, E-T-H-I-C-A-L. Is it ethical to brush the cat when he destroyed my red silk drapes yesterday? How about, is it ethical to wear a bikini top to Walmart with back boobs and bike shorts?
  3. They offer great health insurance. Can we all sign up for Starbuck’s health insurance policy? They should have a “Devoted Customer’s Awesome Insurance Plan Because You Rock And We Care”. Healthcare crisis? Hello! Knock, knock…you there government?! Let Starbucks handle it. You know, with a “Buy a policy get a free latte machine” and stuff. Incentive people, incentive…make me REALLY want that $6,254 health insurance premium each month.
  4. Their employees dress cool. What is it with Starbuck’s people? They’re like poets with great fashion sense. Edgar Allen Poe with an Espresso high. Dude, you can totally rock that blue streaked blonde hair with your lip ring. I feel dumb in my Banana Republic tank and khaki shorts. You’re so hip and cool!! Ya gotta drink for that?! Seriously, do ya?
  5. Starbucks has reward cards. Hey super awesome IRS peeps, you know I paid my taxes WAY early this year. But you held my refund for two months. And when I called to ask what the problem was, your response was “Huh.” Cool and stuff, but we kinda sorta needed that refund to pay for Little A’s tonsillectomy that insurance didn’t cover (please see #3 above). Oh, and when we FINALLY got the refund, we got a whole $2 extra! You held my refund for an extra two dollars? Way to be efficient. I bet if I asked you to make me a Venti Dirty Chai Tea Latte Extra Hot you’d say, “Huh.” I’m not bitter or anything though…
  6. Starbucks has a COOL website. Have you been to our government websites? Especially the IRS website. It’s like hunting for Waldo. Impossible to find what you’re looking for. You should have never let Mrs. Gardner’s Kindergarten class design your websites. That was sweet and all, but sometimes coloring a picture of cows is JUST  a better option. Ask Bob over at your government offices again. Maybe he knows of someone on Planet Zargon that does web design…
  7. Free music?! Yes please! Maybe if you included some free music downloads on our property tax statements or jury summons we might be more inclined to pay attention. No Justin Bieber…something cool. Like Vampire Weekend or Ellie Goulding.

I need a latte after writing this….Vote Coffee this year!

Coffee or bust~


P.S. I have no association with Starbucks, they didn’t pay me to write this or give me free stuff to do it either. I thought all this up in the shower this morning. These are my opinions, and the opinions of my Miniature Schnauzer, Lexi. Thanks for listening…over and out!

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