Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

Kung Fu Panda, Allstate, Cheap Cologne and Tourettes

You know those days where you wish you could just climb back into bed with a bottle of wine and a bag of Twizzlers? Maybe a great Merlot or a mildly sweet Chardonnay? No? Well let me teach you how to enjoy such delicacies. You can thank me later.

I took my three bored loving children to the Summer Movie Club this morning to see Kung Fu Panda 2. First of all, I have never even seen Kung Fu Panda number one, so I was expecting to be lost, but I couldn’t take the whining sweet demeanor of my kiddos anymore, so we packed up and went. With 3,000 other frazzled mothers with their energy hogs little angels.

The theatre is packed. I sat with two friends of mine, which left an empty seat beside me. The empty seat you PRAY nobody will sit in! You know you’ve done it too. Yeah, see, I knew it!

As the movie starts, the light dims, and I do a quick fist pump to congratulate myself for keeping my empty seat that I can now toss my purse into. But then THEY walked in. And ruined my moment. Grandparents with their granddaughter. Superb. Granddaddy (i.e. PawPaw Pookie) sits down next to me. He has bathed himself in roach and ant killer cologne. Literally…bathed. Seriously dude, does your popcorn taste a little like Stetson cologne? Mine does, thanks to you. I appreciate you showering and stuff, but what happened to a splash instead of a drenching downpour of nauseating fragrance? I would have moved except there were no more seats except the front row. Kung Fu Panda 2 was bad enough nine rows back.

Then Mr. Allstate starts talking about beating someone up. He’s an ox that talks in the movie by the way. Thrilling. All I could think about was that ox standing at a gut wrenching scene, telling Mr. Stork and Mrs. Flamingo that THANK GOODNESS they had Allstate insurance or their nests would be mega expensive to replace due to the river cresting overnight. Allstate + Kung Fu Panda = not a great mix, that left my head spinning and my mind blazing. Or…maybe that was just Kung Fu Panda in general…

As the action starts, hands start flying and words start spewing from two rows in front of us. A little boy thought standing in his chair during the entire movie would be a good idea. Apparently his mother did as well. Classy…

Every time something dramatic happened in this thrilling film, he’d jump in the air and shout, “Get’em Po! Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh!” Then he’d stand still for 2 seconds minutes and do it all over again. And no, he never sat down…ever. For ninety minutes he entertained the theatre with his chair jumping and war chanting. Over and over and over and over and over….I wanted to Kung Fu Panda that little mess kid. But I didn’t. Because that would be too easy wrong. So I suffered through it. And my kids loved it. So here I sit…eating Twizzlers and drinking wine at 2:30 in the afternoon. No, not really…or so I’ll say. Yeah, let’s go with that…

The Insanity of Summer ~


5 thoughts on “Kung Fu Panda, Allstate, Cheap Cologne and Tourettes”

  1. That’s funny stuff! I’m surprised no one complained about it to the people working at the theater. I wonder how many times that kid has dragged his mother to that movie?

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