The Brilliant Drama of Motherhood and Other Things That Make You Poke Your Eyes Out

You know those days where you wish you could lock yourself in your bedroom, eat a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos and watch re-runs of Friends while you get a hot stone massage and seaweed facial? Sure you do…see, you’re thinking about it right now aren’t you?

Drama follows me. Like a shadow. And I hate it. As much as I try to avoid it, it grabs hold of my ankle and I end up dragging it along while cursing under my breath. Repeatedly.

I had all these plans today.

– The bug man was coming at 8am. Check.

– Two of my lovies had to go walk the neighbors dog at 8:15. Check.

– I had to drop off Big A at a tennis tournament this morning at 9. Check.

So I come home, answer some emails and head back to the tennis courts. At 9:30am, the temp is already 94 degrees out. Fab.

Big A loses his match, but he played awesome. So my original understanding was, he’d play again at 11:30. Perfect! We’ll grab lunch and come back.

I go home, do my Insanity workout and fix the kids a quick lunch. Have you ever done Insanity? Holy carp on a cracker…..you’ll feel like puking at the end, but you’ll feel LOVELY an hour later! I’ve never been in better shape in my life. Just a side note here. Moving on…

11:30 we show up. I walk through an ant pile I didn’t see, so I proceed to dance for strangers as I brush these nasty, biting, annoying bugs off of me. My legs sting and I’m already sweating, as we walk up to the check-in table.

Me ~ “Big A is back to play his last match.”

Tennis Dude ~ “Oh, well…based….on….the….matches….he….won’t….play…again….until…2:30.”

Me ~ Fuming as I itch my dog-gone ant bites “What do you MEAN, 2:30? You said 11:30!”

Tennis Dude ~ “Wellllllllllll………Come back at 2:30 and we’ll see if we can put him on.”

/:( <———– So Mad, like so mad I skipped the healthy smoothie for lunch and went straight to the popcorn chicken and tater tots at Sonic. I needed the extra calories to calm my nerves. Yeah, we’ll go with that….

The temperature is now 108 outside. And we have to go back to the courts. And I’m giving the tennis dude 30 minutes to get my kid on the court or we’re leaving and not coming back. My patience has left the building today.

No, the world doesn’t USUALLY revolve around me, but today it does. Just ’cause some days you need a “me” day. Today’s my “me” day. And I’m cool with that….and stuff. If you plan on fixing strawberry daiquiris later, please bring me one. I’ll pay you. Seriously. Then my world will revolve around you. And it will be LEGEN….wait for it….DARY!

Needs A Vacation To Bora Bora ~

VSK

Comments

  1. You are singing my tune today sister. I took the ankle biter and the Minecraft addict to Chipotle for lunch with daddy. We pull up. Daddy gets the table and takes said ankle biter. I order for everyone with the addict. Addict takes the drink glasses and walks to the table completely ignoring my orders to “come with me, let’s get the drinks.” He gives MY large cup to his dad and walks back over. I have an entire tray of food, no drinks and am standing blocking the entire drink station. Addict walks back over and I say, “go get my glass from Daddy.” He walks back over… and comes back WITHOUT IT. I’m trying to tell Daddy to SEND MY DAMN GLASS BACK but ankle biter is in a full-on scream. Addict walks back up and mouths off. I grab his face and remind him whose butt will be beaten for such disrespect. Daddy motions for me to come over and take the ankle biter because “he wants me”… and then HE walks off WITH MY GLASS to get HIS drink leaving the ankle biter in ANOTHER pile of screaming tears. Daddy walks back over. I load up my bag. Tell him to enjoy. I walk with screaming mutant annoyance to the car and sit.

    I hate toddlers.

    I hate trying to do anything with toddlers.

    This too shall pass, but I still hate them.

    He’s lucky he’s cute or I’d sell him on ebay.

    Where’s the dern Fritos? I ate ice cream. We were out of Chili Cheese Fritos! You always do know how to speak-uh my language don’t ya sister?!

  2. Your blogs provide me with huge comic relief and practical sense too. I need both today and everyday. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I love your blogs as they provide me with comic relief and practical sense, both of which I need today and every day. Thanks for sharing

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