Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

Why Home Depot and Housewives DON’T MIX


The Home Depot + A Housewife = DISASTER

‘Tis a story worth telling, and YES, it’s 110% true! I’m sure all of you are wondering, “Wow! Does this strange woman ACTUALLY live this crazy of a life?”

YES. Which is why blogging is so easy for me. I always have a stellar story to tell. Wait…is this a good thing or a bad thing? Never mind, moving on…

Recently my husband got this wild and crazy idea that we needed to put a fence around our pool equipment. With the Texas sun and heat, it does a number on pool pumps and other $$$$$ pool equipment.

So we put our heads together, and came up with a plan on HOW to build an inexpensive fence on our own. We had gotten a few estimates from some contractors, but their $4,899 estimates were a little more than we wanted to pay {gasping for air!}

We ordered a fence panel from The Home Depot. And of all days they call to come pick up the panel, my precious husband is unavailable to go and get it….so I put my superhero cape on, stepped up and said, “Eh, no big deal, I’ll go pick it up.” Man am I stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid…..

It was 150 degrees outside yesterday…okay, 105, but it felt like a 150! I drive to The Home Depot, list in hand to pick up a few extra things needed, and put a fake smile on my face. When I step inside, I’m suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of “Um, I don’t really think I belong here” as I gaze around at the male staff, male shoppers and goggly eyed dudes that allow their gaze to linger a little too long. {Whistling} Hey! My eyes are up here, Romeo….

I head to the PVC pipe aisle….1″ pipe. Check. 2 1/2″ pipe…I’m going to need some help with this. So I find a store employee…

Me: “I need to get 2 of these 2 1/2″ pipes, but I need them cut in half to put them in my car.”

Home Depot Guy: “Sure! Okay, let me go find some pipe cutters.”

Waiting…..where did he go? Nebraska? There are pipe cutters BEHIND me in a box. Grab one, hot shot, and cut this bad boy in half before I try and then you have me arrested!

FINALLY he comes back….

Home Depot Guy: “You said you want these cut in half?”

Me: “Yes, both in half, please.”

Home Depot Guy: “The same length for each half.”

I think I rolled my eyes here…..

Me: “No moron, I want a one inch piece on one end and the big ‘ole pipe left on the other!” <———-Thought this in my head

What I really said: “Yes, same length for each half.”

DONE. Moving on…..

So I go to find the fence panel I ordered. I stand at customer service where I am promptly ignored by a middle aged sales chick who is smacking her gum and flirting with a guy holding a nail gun that’s missing a front tooth. This just keeps getting better….

I finally get some attention.

Sales Chick: “You need to pick up an order?”

Me: “Yes. And the man my husband spoke to on the phone when he placed the order said you could cut the panel in half so you could load it in my car.”

Sales Chick: Nasty look on her face “We don’t cut fence posts, darlin’.” She says this while blowing a huge grape bubble. My ears are red by this point….

Me: “Well, that’s we were told. You either cut it, or I can’t take it home.”

She shrugs her shoulders, walks over to a guy and mumbles a bunch of nasty remarks (I’m sure). He grabs a saw and starts sawing the dumb fence panel in half.

When he’s finally done and I’ve had it with The Home Depot and the oh so sweet employees, he asks me….


No, dipstick, I’m going to load this 75 pound fence panel by myself because I’m awesome like that. Watch me bust a toe (or my behind) while I try.

An hour and half later, I’m home. Soaking wet and mad as heck.

Thank you Home Depot, for your kind support, generosity and willingness to help a frazzled housewife buy PVC pipe and a fence panel. Wait, I would like to change the words KIND SUPPORT, GENEROSITY AND WILLINGNESS to something else….

No more Home Depot Without My Husband EVER~


2 thoughts on “Why Home Depot and Housewives DON’T MIX”

  1. Boulder Home Depot was the best….sorry you had such an eky experience…..it is a man’s world at Home Depot here…..they have not made our women friendly…..thanks for the blog….made my afternoon! ❤

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