Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

I’m Sorry, I Thought I Was Raising My Children…And The Follies Of An Electrical Fire


I can’t remember the last time I had a NORMAL day around here. Seriously….normal. Like getting up, drinking my coffee, showering by 8AM, having the laundry done by lunch, work finished around 3PM, leaving me a good two hours to read a book before hubby comes home.

Drama follows me. Like a disease with no vaccine. The last I recall, wine was not a vaccine…It should be though. You could make millions.

“Oh Beverly, did you have your Pinot Blanc or Zinfandel vaccine today? I switched up a bit, and went with a nice Chardonnay shot this afternoon. I’m feeling fab, and ready for a nap by the pool.”

So my lovely in-laws took the boys and I to the Fort Worth Science Museum today. It was crowded, but not horrific. We were enjoying ourselves. Friendly conversation, the boys were checking out the exhibits, I was walking slow, breathing deep, and thoroughly loving the minuscule break from life. Until she walked in…


I could see it in her eyes when she walked past me. The horns on her head were also quite noticeable. The only thing she was missing was a pitchfork.

My boys were minding their own business as they removed their shoes to master a small rock climbing exhibit. She saddles up next to me and says, “I think they’re too big for that.”

Oh I’m sorry, DO I KNOW YOU?! Excuse me, did I ask for your opinion, hot stuff? I didn’t think so. So I glare at her and boldly say, “There is nobody here, and my youngest is 8. He can’t do this by himself, so his brothers are going to help.”

Her reply?

“Hmpf!” And she walks away. Before  you ask, NO she was not a museum employee. She was a woman sticking her business in the behinds of others where it didn’t belong.

My kids master the rock climbing wall and we move on….

Ten minutes later they are trying another exhibit where you smell stuff and guess what it is. I passed. I refuse to smell foreign things, but boys…they naturally smell, so smelling gross things is cool. Apparently.

The woman with the horns comes back. She has a couple of little girls with her. She proudly pipes up, “Oh, did you want to do this exhibit girls? I think their turn is over.”

&#%^$ are running through my head at this point. My oldest son, stomps away and I quickly follow. Mommy claws are out by this time. I told my son, “Hey buddy, don’t let her get to you. She apparently, was never taught to share or be respectful of others. You weren’t doing anything wrong.”

YES, I felt like walking over to her and giving her a valid piece of my mind, but respect…I was trying to be the respectful one in this situation. When yes, a swift kick in her designer jeans leg would have been more appropriate in my eyes.

We move downstairs….

Is this monstrous woman following us or what!?

Thank you, obnoxious and rude woman, for making our outing so enjoyable. I saw you eating those nasty chili cheese fries in the museum courtyard, and wished for a wand to turn your 50,000 calorie meal into a cesspool of mud and worms. You have been fondly handed the award for total re-donk-ulous behavior. Learn some respect, yo.

When we arrived home from such a joyous morning, I found this.

Isn’t that nice? Our main pool pump switch caught on fire while we were gone. I bet that woman had a Voo Doo doll hidden in her purse…..Don’t you?

Be Respectful To Others, Always ~


4 thoughts on “I’m Sorry, I Thought I Was Raising My Children…And The Follies Of An Electrical Fire”

  1. VALERIE!! OMG……when I scrolled down and saw that woman pointing at me, I so laughed out loud that Garrett came into the kitchen and said, “What??”! You are the BEST, the VERY BEST at painting a word picture…and then filling it in with real ones! Love to read about your disease! XOXO. (Drink up!)

  2. Normal is overrated! 🙂 Who can stand out when EVERYONE is normal?!?! 🙂 See, now dontcha feel super special?

    No? Ok… well, I tried…. back to the drawing board!

    You’re a drama magnet — OOOOH invite me?!!?!? I love being invited to the dramas, you know. It’s been QUITE a while since I got to go all Julia Sugarbaker on someone. I’m LONG overdue!

    About the bride of Frankenstein… amazing how some women just exude “BITCH” … sounds like she was a ROYAL one. That’d have been a GREAT time to lean in and whisper (real low), “You know, you’d look SO much prettier if you wiped all that bitch off your face.”

    Then smile.

    … and walk away.

    Hee hee hee… No one hears you but her… and she’s left to her own devices dealing with the fact of the reality that someone knows she’s not only a bitch…but QUEEN of the bitches!

    Truth — My friend used to have some cards made out that had a fake number and a Superman logo on them. She’d hand them out to someone…they said something like, “You forgot your cape, superbitch.” And it had a number for “Capes R Us.” LOL! Greatness! Sometimes people need a gut check…. with a crowbar!

    You should have said, “You think they’re too old? Wow, I was going to go next. I’m so glad you are here to save the world! Thank you, Age Nazi!”

    At least the pool circuit is fixable… but alas, she will always be a bitch. 🙂

    And that is my moral of the story. (love you)

    1. ROFL APRIL! I LOVE your response!!!!! And those lines, why didn’t I think of those?! Heat of the moment….I never remember to say those things until after the fact.
      My gosh, you just totally made my day!!!! Love you back! ❤

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