Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

Money Counters and Morons With Blue Hair


The holidays are such a glorious season of wonder, aren’t they? They are also the time of year where your patience is tested, and crazy people seem to seep into the “10 items or less” grocery store line in front of you with 35 items. I am a tolerable and very patient person, but sometimes I just want to stroke a person’s hand and say…

Oh Sweetie…do you ever think your thoughts through before opening your mouth, because you should’ve just stayed home today…in a beanbag chair eating chili cheese Fritos with Lil’ Muscle your toy Poodle.

So Christmas was EPIC…glad it’s over. New Year’s Eve…full of excitement!

My handsome hubby and I were kid-free on New Year’s (silent fist pump), so we decided to roam the aisles of Target before dinner. When you roam the aisles with kids, it isn’t “roaming”. It’s more like chasing rats.

Don’t touch that! – No, I’m not buying you ANYTHING. We came here for shampoo, not Pokemon cards. – Your legs are not broken…keep walking or I’ll give you a reason to run. – Watch where you’re walking! There are other people in this store, ya know. Spinning down the aisle usually results in getting run over. Now you know…

So hot hubby and I roamed the aisles. Like, took our time and looked at things. If you are a parent, you understand…

Standing in the checkout line, there was a guy in front of us wearing a Cookie Monster tee that said “Eat Me”. First clue, this was not going to go well…

He had Red Bull and batteries…not going there…

As he checks out, he asks the cashier and I the following, jaw dropping question:

Where can I buy temporary blue hair color? I want to dye my hair before I party tonight.

Oh really? In the words of my husband AFTER I KINDLY directed him to Sally’s Beauty Supply down the street…

I hope he’s not planning on trying to pick up a chick tonight. The only “chick” he’s going to see is a bucket of KFC at 1 in the morning after he leaves the bar ALONE.

Now if he would’ve looked like this, perhaps he MIGHT have had a chance at an incredible New Year’s Eve.


Fast forward to today…

My children saved their hard earned $$$ for a MacBook. Low and behold, two of my three saved up half for a brand spankin’ new one. If you know MacBooks, you know they aren’t cheap. We agreed to make up the difference, and buy them a MacBook for Christmas. Hubby and I are so proud of them for working so hard the past nine months!

Anyhow, the cash they have were in bills and about a million and one quarters. So, off to the bank we went this morning to deposit their half of the money. We stand in line, wait a while, and then finally make our way to the teller.

Me: “I need to deposit this cash into our checking account, please.”

Teller: “Oh, we don’t accept loose change.”

Me: “But, this is money…and we are at a bank, right?”

Teller: Laughing while probably thinking dirty thoughts about me, “Well yes, but we don’t have a change machine counter here. I can either give you paper sleeves to go home and roll your coins, or we can send your change off to a company to count it for you at no cost.”

Me: Giggling, “You serious? Can you at least deposit the bills or do you not have a bill counter either?”

Teller: “No, we don’t have a bill counter either, but I can hand count them for you Mrs. King, that’s not a problem.”

OMGosh, are you kidding me? Even Kroger has a change machine! Good gravy, what’s next? Is the bank going to tell me that if I want to get money out of the ATM I have to talk to the ATM elf first? I bet elves are secretly working in the back of the bank counting loose change.

Hey Jingle the Elf, you’ve got 364 days until Christmas, so hop to the money counting dude! Santa’s not expecting you back at the North Pole for a while. Right now, you’re my money mogul…start shuffling bills.


I bet the guy with blue hair works at the bank. He probably oversees the elves in the back…

Welcome to 2013!


P.S. I don’t make resolutions, I make goals. This year, I will find a publisher. Mark my words, supportive, awesome peeps! I love all of you! I write because you encourage me to, and that is more than I could ever ask for.

2 thoughts on “Money Counters and Morons With Blue Hair”

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