Random Thoughts From An Avid Author

Verizon Is Run By Monkeys From Outer Space


Holy freaking bananas…this week has been utterly 100% ridiculous.

You know the saying, “When it rains, it pours”. I have been drenched to the core this week from all angles.

From strep throat that has overtaken our house, being stranded in the Walgreens parking lot with a dead car battery, incompetent people at Aetna insurance who failed to enter prescription drug coverage for my children despite the $4,000,000 we pay them each month in premiums AS A FAMILY, and Verizon FIOS….Oh Verizon FIOS…

As a busy wife, working mom and homeschooling aficionado, when things happen I need a solution. A remedy to get our family back on track.

1) The disgusting strep bug is now under control thanks to antibiotics and copious amounts of Lysol and Purell.


2) While standing in line talking to Steven the gum-smacking moron at Walgreens about WHY my antibiotics are not covered by insurance, I found myself fueled with the “I Don’t Have Time For This” energy only mothers know. The energy of trembling hands, fuzzy vision and the sound of blood pumping against your ear drums at an astounding pace as you try and remain cool in front of a slew of sick strangers. The “Your Husband Is At Work, and Doesn’t Have Enough Cash For Bail Money” in his wallet reasoning that you try so hard to grasp onto. I kept my cool, I paid for my antibiotics OUT OF POCKET, and then I bought a Voodoo doll across the street to seek my revenge. No not really. Yes, we’ll say that for now…

3) When I walked out into the parking lot of Walgreens to drive across the street to get my Voodoo doll go home, my car was dead as a doornail. <—- What does that even mean, “Dead as a doornail?” What is a doornail? Moving on…I am standing in the parking lot, hood open, tears in my tired eyes, my husband unavailable as he was in training for a new job position and not answering his phone this ONE time, as I seriously considered hitchhiking to Canada with a total stranger, Voodoo doll purse under my arm. A man pulls up in a pickup truck, sees the ragged mother in faded yoga pants and a nine year old t-shirt with a mustard stain, and asks if I needed help. I obliged, even though my mother told me not to talk to strangers, I’m in a public place and I’m desperate. He finds the problem, grabs his toolbox from the back of his truck, and has my car up and running in less than 5 minutes. Good people still exist in this world.  For that, I am ever so grateful.

4) Aetna insurance never fixed the pharmacy coverage for my kids. At this point, I let it slide after talking to Martha for more than 45 minutes. Even after all that time, she still didn’t fix the issue. Seriously? We change health insurance on Monday. Thank heavens! And the country wonders why our health care industry is in such ruin…Incompetency, plain and simple.

5) Verizon FIOS will forever be on my naughty list. I have informed Santa Claus to NEVER deliver any toys to them from here until eternity. We upgraded our internet speed on Monday, and ever since then, we have been unable to access secure websites (i.e. Capital One, Bank of America, Chase, etc.). After HOURS of tech support, and even a technician visit, we were repeatedly told that our issue was our devices NOT our internet service. I was desperate. Peeved. Sleep-deprived. And my Voodoo doll was already too full of pins head was throbbing. My 13 year old son, who loves computers, researched the issue all morning, created a fix on his own, and our internet has been working beautifully ever since.

My teenager fixed something trained employees couldn’t do at Verizon. I am not one to seek revenge, but Verizon has wasted so much of my time over the past three days that I decided to make one final phone call to explain the issue for the 1,563rd time to a tech support specialist, not mentioning that my son had actually already fixed the problem. I was told by the tech support specialist that there was an outage in my area. An outage that was affecting YouTube, Capital One, Bank of America, and several other websites, and the inability to load secured webpages while using FIOS. In other wards, I was blatantly lied to. WOW.

I am convinced, that in fact, Verizon FIOS is run by monkeys from outer space. And if you don’t believe me, visit your local zoo and ask any Orangoutang or Chimpanzee there. More than likely they have family members working in the Verizon technical support office. I PROMISE. Just ask for “Bob” or “Larry”…

I Hate Verizon ~


2 thoughts on “Verizon Is Run By Monkeys From Outer Space”

  1. Hear, hear and hear to your conclusion on Verizon. The last time I had a significant issue with them–actually, all of the last times–trying to get any resolution whatsoever took so much time and energy I was determined to change providers and never return. I’d like to understand why certain companies don’t understand money is not the only asset people are concerned with. Money can be earned back, but time? Not so much. RAWR!

    I hope the rest of the week is kinder to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s