When You Know You’re Too Old For Theme Parks

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We’ve been in Florida since last Thursday the 1st. The first half of our vacation involved the beach. The second half involves Universal Studios.

We have three more days at the park.

I may die.

My feet hurt, and my back is tweaked on the right side from riding “The Mummy” roller coaster at least half a dozen times in two days because my children love it. To the point that it has gotten annoying. But they don’t want to ride alone, so my husband and I continue riding like two handicapped parents with a hitch in their get-along. I’ve also memorized the entire script of the ride, word for word. This is the only thing that keeps me entertained.

We have been the only Americans in the theme park. I’m quite certain I know how to speak Portuguese, French and Italian fluently now, thanks to long wait times in line. Take that, Rosetta Stone!

I will NEVER get tired of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in the park. NEVER. I could just sit and listen to the music while drinking Butterbeer. It’s easy to get lost here. Not just in the magic of being a part of Potterland, but actually LOST. There have been so many people in this part of the park it’s redonk. This is also the part of the park where you realize you are some of the few Americans present. This is due to the hairy armpit women, and men without deodorant. Pleasant. Pleasant, I tell you.

Yesterday we were waiting in line for “Harry Potter and The Forbidden Journey”. This is an incredible ride that takes place inside Hogwarts. AWESOME. Anyhow, since there are 5 of us, we are always one short or one too many for a ride, which means we have to split up. Hubby and the older two went together, and I went with Little A.

I am a moron magnet. Convinced. There were two older gentlemen in front of Little A and I. One was guzzling…not sipping…a very LARGE beer. His five steps forward and then stopping for a selfie photo in front of various sights as we walked to the ride entrance grew very annoying. Very quickly. We reached the front of the line finally. He decided to stop and answer a text message. Yes, a text. I bit my tongue in front of my child…momentarily.

“Let’s move along!” I said aloud.

He started walking and replied very loudly, “God, I’m texting!” AG&SJ#*S) <—–That’s the words going through my mind. The filtered version.

This will be a fun ride. Little A and I end up in the same car with the two guys. The intoxicated moron pulls out his phone as soon as he is out of the sight of the employees to tape the ride. Or update his Facebook. Or take another ugly selfie. Or call the President. Or throw it at Harry Potter…

The ride stops. I hear the lady say they are experiencing technical difficulties. Moron #1 & #2 didn’t hear her. So I decided to play my cards.

“Uh, you need to put your phone away. You can’t have it out on the ride. That’s why they stopped it.”

He looks at me, wide eyed and dumbfounded as he fumbles with his phone, trying to stuff it back into his pocket, his big meaty claw hands trying to hide the iPhone I called him out on.

The ride starts. I laugh on the inside. I’m not a mean person. But I don’t care for individuals who think the world revolves around them. I don’t think he enjoyed the rest of his ride much. I’m sure he took a selfie and texted his buddy Bob afterwards to let him know all about it. I feel sorry for Bob.

My youngest has had diarrhea and a runny nose since yesterday morning. He feels fine otherwise. I’m convinced he has what’s called, “Too much vacation”. This disease is a result of getting up at the crack of dawn to get to the theme park before everyone else, eating cr@p in the park, such as $21 buckets of stale popcorn in Jurassic Park because the popcorn comes in a plastic dinosaur head that we NEED to take home, and touching cr@p in the park that has been touched by thousands of people. <—- The thought of this kind of makes me nauseous. I may become a germaphobe before we leave here…

Riding a scooter while drinking a coke the size of a small child, Laffy Taffy and cigarettes in your front basket along with park brochures, and a full size bag of Lay’s potato chips in your hands does make me question your motives as to why you are riding in a scooter in the first place…I don’t believe “handicapped” plays into the reasoning…Just a guess…This includes the 3 other individuals riding along side you doing the same thing. Except the guy with the nachos who is steering with one hand, might prove me otherwise…

Overall, we’ve had a blast. So many memories. SO MANY. We’ve re-discovered each other as a family this past week. It has been amazing.

Only a few more days until we head home. I miss my bed. I miss my dog. I miss my coffee maker. But I have to admit, I hate the thought of leaving. Honestly.

Signing off. It’s time to head to the pool for a while. I also enjoy the strawberry daiquiris here at the hotel. They are $11.95 each, but, you know…It’s vacation. And I’m exhausted. But I’m grateful beyond belief for this little life of mine.

Stopping to to take snapshots of your life is so important. My camera lens is overflowing this week…

I love daiquiris and pool towels ~

VSK

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