Las Vegas…A yearly tradition for hubby and I since 2008. Rockstars…we don’t feel like them when we’re here. Well, sorta…
Last Thursday, we make it to the airport, People magazine in hand and hardcore Diet Cokes in the other ready to leave Dallas along with a full flight of other partygoers ranging from Red Hat ladies, Woo-Girls (don’t know what these are? girls who say ‘Wooohooo’ after every sentence, a man in a chef uniform and an entire bachelor party of dudes with mountain man beards and Duck Dynasty shirts.
Row 23…dang you American Airlines…I hate your seating policy. I booked this flight two months ago and row 23 in the back was all that was left. Yeah, I bet.
Two guys that looked like Zach from “Saved By the Bell” sit down behind us with a young woman dressed in a short black miniskirt made from enough material to knit half a washcloth…
The two dudes TALK THE ENTIRE 2 HR. & 50 MIN. FLIGHT. Dudes don’t talk this much. Seriously…They didn’t even stop to chew the obnoxiously loud bag of Doritos they brought on the plane. Here’s what I learned about the 2 dudes and the chick wearing a wash cloth. (Yes, I took notes. I’m an author, remember!?)
1) Both said dudes go to West Point Military Academy. Thank you for your services, but have your officers ever taught you that sometimes words are worth swallowing instead of pouring out of your mouth? Just wondering. But again, thank you for your services. I mean that.
2) One guy’s name was Robert Frost. No lie. So a 45 minute conversation follows about how he meets women in bars and tells them his name to find out their education level. If they don’t know who Robert Frost is, he moves on to the next lady. Seriously. The chick in the washcloth mini skirt asked him to recite a Robert Frost poem. Um, he said he couldn’t think of one. WHAT???
3) The chick in the washcloth mini skirt likes using “Spotify” on her phone. Everyone learned about her songs of choice for the next half an hour after she downed a Jack & Coke. Apparently she finds Barry Manilow funny. And Justin Timberlake is hotter than Adam Levine…She also enjoys doing the Chicken Dance at weddings…
Once we finally darted off the plane to avoid the Chatty Kathie’s for any longer, the airport was practically empty. 7:30 on a Thursday night…nobody here. We spent the better half of that evening playing slots because I “Rock the Slots” here in Vegas. I’ve won over $1,000 in slots over the course of the last 4 days. No lie. I’m going to add this tidbit to my resume…
Friday morning…raining. I could hear the Las Vegas resident voices rising above the raindrops that morning, “What is this wet stuff falling from the sky?!” It never rains here. At least, not when hubby and I are here!
So we take a cab to the strip. I refuse to walk in the rain or buy the $22 umbrella from the Dollar Store in the lobby. The cab driver…AWESOME. He tells stories about being a cab driver here for the last 25 years. The best one goes as follows,
“So I have to tell you folks about this guy I picked up this morning at 4:30am outside of Caesar’s Palace.”
We nod. “Go for it, man!” He laughs like Willy Wonka…does Willy Wonka laugh? Anyhow…
“So this dude stumbles out of the casino and I’m next in line for pick up. He opens the car door and says, “Man, can you take me to Caesar’s Palace? I can’t find my way home from this f*&^%&g place.”
I’m like, “Wait, he wanted you to drive him to the same casino he stumbled out of?” He laughs and slaps the dashboard.
“YES! The same d*&n hotel he was at! So I thought, man, it’s been two hours since I’ve given a ride so I’ll take him for a spin. He gets in the car, thanking me over and over. I proceed to drive around Caesar’s Palace twice, pull up to the same door he stumbled out of. Here you are man! He’s like, “Oh, thanks man. I thought I’d never get back here. How much?”
He turns around and looks at my husband and I. “I just told the guy, $10 bucks. The drunk dude gave me $15 and said to keep the change. Then I watched him walk back into the same door he stumbled out of 10 minutes earlier.”
HILARIOUS! That’s a ‘Hangover’ movie right there, folks. Am I right?!
Oh! The Mirage hotel now offers $99 IV infusions in the lobby after a hardcore night of drinking. Have we seriously stooped to this level? Oh heavens, apparently I’m old.
The rest of this weekend has been fab. I’ve eaten way too much, and won on too many slot machines. Today is our last full day and we head home tomorrow. I do miss my kids, and I miss my bed. But I always hate when vacation comes to a close.
I’m sure I’ll have more stories to tell after today, and after tomorrow’s flight home. Vegas…the city that tells a different story on every corner. Literally. 🙂
TTFN from Vegas!